I Have No Idea...

Pets are good at certain things, like licking their crotches, shedding on your clothes and getting under your feet before you manage to reach the lightswitch, but ask then to fix your car and they're utterly useless.

Another glorious Tuesday morning and if you're anything like me, another hangover from bank holiday Monday. There's only one thing that can bring the lolz back into your life; a collection of random internet funnyz!

Did you hear about the wooden car? It wooden go. ithankyou! This man is called Livio De Marchi and he most definitely has wood, and he likes to make unusual things out of it like a car, clothes. He's got some good skills!

They might be annoying at times but health and safety rules are there for a reason. They are there to stop idiots like the ones here from endangering themselves and everyone around them with their comically calamitous hijinks.

Those rotten Nazis, if it wasn't eugenics or Project Monarch or occult power, it was stealth planes. This was called Horten-229, but didn't get made in time to drop nukes on the Allies. If it did, we'd all be chewing on sauerkraut.

A lot of people go under the knife of a cosmetic surgeon but few of them will change their appearance as radically as this young woman. Now complete with huge lips, pointy ears and a split tongue she has changed. A LOT.

Two of my favourite things on the planet together at last. And a few of them seem to actually know how to hold them. The question is can they handle guns this big? A few of them look like they've had lots of practice!

Getting a tattoo might sound like a cool thing to do, but for god's sake, think about it carfully, make sure you realise that it's for life. And under NO circumstances will Edward from Twilight ever be a good choice for a dude.

Time to witness pure evil, right down to correctly applied eyeliner, torn fishnets, asymmetric hair and a huge appetite for cake and abject misery - And you thought you had it bad!

These examples of vertical gardening give a whole new meaning to the term 'up hill gardener'. It totally sounds like some kind of lewd euphemism, but these pics are exactly what you'd expect.

If you had any hatches and this was the view out of your window, it would probably be a good time to batten them down. Not really sure what that means, but I'd have a go anyway. This is true apocalypse style weather!