Welcome to the world of tomorrow! Today!

I heard about this from a man down pub but I thought that's just wild fantasy, the stuff of a deluded madman. The world isn't ready for such unheard of technology. It's witchcraft, I ranted! The occult! Burn him I shouted, burn this unholy heathen!

But then he showed me this website on his iPhone and I shut up. Immersive video I said, it's wild, it's like a photo but in 3-D, that isn't really a photo 'cos it's got moving images. But...WOW!!

I think this may well revolutionise all our lives, we will no longer need to actually go out and, you know, do stuff. We can just sit at home projecting this on to the walls of our bedroom and pretend we're trekking through the plains of Africa. Or project a video on your wall of you sitting in your bedroom, watching an immersive video of you sitting in your bedroom, like some sort of horrible Escherian nightmare...

You know for a while cooking, for me, got a bit mudane, a but samey, I'd used the finest ingredients from around the globe and beyond - space dust from the impact craters on Mars, flown in by NASA - scrumptious. I've had the elusive Yeti ass-truffle from the foothills of the Himalayas - delectable; ayahuasca from the Peruvian jungle, that was an interesting night, and of course the infamous yet elusive vaginal moss, only found in the outermost boglands of Scatland. Yeah you could say they were well sourced, but getting everything you want sometimes gets boring, then I discovered this recipe book.

It's revolutionised my life, my wife now licks her plate, and my balls, clean and recipes like Jerk-Off Chicken and Man-Jamburger go down as easy as a well kept mistress at every dinner party I host, and my Raviolo Of Jiz and Lobster with Spicy Creamed Cabbage With A Warm Potato & Semen Puree is a sensation!! After reading this book, my wife now often asks me to fill her meat taco with semen, she loves it!

If you don't want to believe me then just check out the comments from these satisfied and grateful cooks, who've been delighting their friends with this nectar of the gods. It's just touching...yourself. If you thought whisking cream tired your arm out, then just try whisking up some of this cream!