All was atwitter over at Twitter as accounts were hacked and lurid secrets exposed. Fox News made a not so startling revelation about Bill O'Reilly's sexual orientation and Rick Sanchez just can't seem to stay away from that glass pipe. PUT IT DOWN RICK! Plus Britney's growler seems likes it's more ferocious than a lion's den. Open wide, indeed.

The thing is some people are getting all outraged and annoyed, but what if they weren't really hacked and these people just wanted to tell us a few home truths about themselves and this is just a big cover-up? Did someone say conspiracy? Oh, you were just sneezing. My apologies.

But anyway, if only they were true. What could we be seeing next? Kanye West admits his music is not that good, and he could probably do better if he teamed up with Fiddy Cent - maybe do a duet of Somethin' Stupid? Brings a joyful tear to my eye just thinking of it. Then Lindsay Lohan announces she's going to give up booze and become celibate. John Cleese posts something vaguely amusing breaking a 20 year 'no humour' policy, and Tom Waits claims he's penned a track that you can actually make out the words to.

Plus Sarah Palin posts her thoughts on epistemology posing such mind-boggling questions as how do we 'know' something and what does it mean to 'learn'. And finally Tweety Pie claims he definitely did not 'taut he taw a puddy tat'. He was just sleepy, that combined with his medication can play funny tricks on a bird's brain - it was probably just a pair of tights or something.

We'd all like to see the beautiful Claire Bear in her own 'private' tape, so here's an open letter asking her to be considerate, think of the fans for once, and get it on!

If she was the sort of star who loved her fans the way say, R Kelly does, then she'd be taking requests from her adoring, and perverted, public as to what they want her to do, and with who or what. It could be a canny career move for her and also a wonderful realisation for many, many people in the world of the web.

Maybe as well as this open letter a petition could be started and if that fails people could start boycotting major sporting events, then protest on the streets of the world's major capitals. And if none of that works then we could all hold our breath until she relents.